i say this to myself now. not as a mantra, but because i truly believe it. and the secret? it’s because i know it’s temporary. but how do i know?
since i was 18, a freshman in college, i’ve had a boyfriend. i’m what one would call a serial monogamist. not one to turn heads in high school or younger, all of a sudden the world opened up for me when i hit young adulthood and what did i do? i entered into dysfunctional relationships, one after the other. they would just happen, these relationships, kind of sneak up on me, sly-like and all of a sudden i realize that i’m not seeing anyone else and well, there i am.
now at 32, i have walked away from a relationship that spanned a decade of my life, off and on, broken by short 5-10 month relationship stints with other men. Relationships with other men. rarely did i take the time to nurture a proper relationship with a friend. a sibling. a cousin. with God. and lastly, with myself.
how can i expect a proper, functional relationship with any man if i can’t even have a good relationship with myself? so for now, i intend to be alone. the beauty of it is that i know it’s temporary. i know God has a plan for me, it’ll unfurl eventually. until then, i’m going to do what i’ve always claimed to like: be alone. God created the world and then he created Adam. Adam wasn’t alone for long; Eve was created for him as his companion. i’ll get there.
“Keep your life free… and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
yes, there is beauty in being alone.