division

you can divide your life by decades, by duties, by passions, by fortunes, by griefs. the Befores and the Afters. i used to divide my Life by bio-mom: Before i met her and After i met her.

to be clear, since meeting her 3 years ago in Japan, my life has not changed much. my values did not change, i am still the person i was before except now, that dull ache that i used to carry in my belly is gone, and replacing it is the certainty of who i am and what i believe. that cluster that is her and peter is between them, i’m not interested in what transpired between them, i don’t even care anymore why it took so long for her to find me or why he kept us apart at all. because knowing those answers doesn’t change anything about me and it won’t have any impact on how i will conduct my Life.

i have not spoken to bio-mom since that visit; i have not written her or called her and i’m ok with that. the rest of my family tho, they are so offended; up in arms over the fact that this woman, this stranger, hasn’t reached out to me, hasn’t come to visit me. they don’t know, they don’t understand. just knowing that she existed was enough for me.

nowadays i divide my time between random pockets of friends who have nothing to do with each other. i also squirrel away time for myself, work, and living. because before bio-mom, i felt like i was just there and now… i’m here.

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One response to “division

  1. Pingback: the habit of lying « all the violent sweet perfect words that you said

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