i have a weird quirk: i am capable of listening to the same song over and over and over again, until i’m either sick of it or i’ve discovered another song to play on repeat. in high school, specifically my junior year, i had one album that i had on repeat for months: Tori Amos Little Earthquakes. nevermind that the album had been released 4 years prior. i was initially drawn to her song me & a gun, because it was raw and it was real and i felt every single word she sang. i don’t listen to that song anymore tho, it makes me cry.
but the rest of the album? genius. in my 16 year old heart, i felt like she knew me, that she was singing directly to me and she understood every hurt i felt inside, and her arms were wide open to welcome me into her fold. her song “silent all these years” straight the fuck made me want to scream, loud and shrill, forever. i believed i could sustain myself thru her lyrics and music, to survive the remaining years i had to live under peter’s roof. some people had nirvana, the grateful dead or the beatles to help them thru the tough times, i had tori amos. i quoted her lyric from “tear in your hand” for my senior portrait. it’s my favorite song of hers.
i saw her once in concert, it was enough. i have since outgrown my angst (well, kinda) and not really completely embraced her subsequent albums, tho Under the Pink is pretty awesome. i pop that album into my cd player sometimes and i’m taken back so many years to that time when i was a scared and angry teenager without much use of a voice, who wanted so desperately to be heard, to be listened to, and to be accepted. i’m telling you, tori amos helped me survive high school and that time.