i have weird tastes in movies. i like cheesy action flicks, where things blow up, the characters say inappropriate one liners. i also enjoy foreign movies, sometimes i get an itch for independent films. i rarely choose comedies, even tho The Hangover is one of my all time faves. (is this the real caeser’s palace?) i typically don’t do heavy dramas, unless i’m by myself and i never do horror. lately my netflix has been british period pieces, and god bless Dr. Who.
when my girlfriends suggested Blue Valentine this past weekend, i was not thrilled. i wanted to see them but i had no idea what the movie was about. i knew it was getting good reviews, it was nominated for golden globes and what the hey? i left the movie a little shell shocked. it had an indie vibe ending, jarring edits/cuts and characters that mirrored real people. Ryan Gosling has the endearing man-boy market cornered – he can pull that character off with such ease, such heartbreak. but the thing is, he’s done it before. he did it in the Notebook and i swooned then. this time, not so much.
i think it’s because his character reminds me so much of jason: the charming, sweet boy, with so much potential and so.much.love. for someone he doesn’t understand. there was one line in the movie that resonated with me: “I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what else to do. Tell me what to do, tell me what to do. Tell me how I should be. Just tell me, I’ll do it, I’ll do it. ” i knew then that their relationship was doomed, unfixable.
that scene made me cry. because i lived it and i barely made it out. who doesn’t want to be loved so unconditionally, for a man so willing to do anything to keep her? i didn’t. tho i’ve blocked his number and email, i still do sometimes receive jason’s late night texts and tearful emails. it’s been almost a year and i feel like i’m still dodging that bullet. it’s exhausting. it’s sad. it’s annoying. it’s upsetting.
that’s how Blue Valentine made me feel.