kicks

Today is the first day of the new year, last day of the Year of the Tiger and tomorrow will commence being the year of the Rabbit (for the chinese) and the cat (for the vietnamese). you can find out why in the hell it’s two animals that seem to have nothing to do with each other here. asian people just like to confuse the white folk.

for the Lunar New Year, i follow a few things for the first day: i don’t wash my hair for fear of washing away any luck, i have bowls of citrus around the abode which has been cleaned up & down during the previous week, i am careful of who i speak to first as it is a symbol of who i’ll interact with most that year (for the last 10 years, it’s been the bff, we plan ahead accordingly), i wear a new outfit and something red (to ward off evil spirits). today, the only new red thing i have on is my undies which is hilarious because it’s like a chinky chastity belt. good lord, what does that even mean for me this year?! the one thing i like about my outfit today are my kicks. they’re fuchsia pumas, obnoxiously bright and seemingly large because i’m wearing skinny jeans. i had wanted red but somehow, i clicked the pink button on the site and that’s what i have now.

now speaking of kicks, last night’s date was definitely like a kick in the crotch. i was late for the date which is very unlike me, i’m notoriously early, and i think that put me on edge. i could not relax. throughout the movie my palms were sweaty (i get that way when i’m nervous) and tho he was affectionate with me, i could not return it. i barely acknowledged his touch, tho i didn’t outright reject it. i’ve said it before, i am not a touchy feely person, i like my personal space. after the movie, because he paid for the tickets, i said i’d get dinner. we went to some local bar, had a few drinks & shared some food. nothing major. i find that conversationally, we’re not all about the chitter chatter, tho i try. he is slow in response and truth be told, i don’t recall him ever asking me many questions beyond surface stuff. he finds me amusing and i find him interesting enough that i’ve said yes to 3 dates with him.

to be clear, there were moments throughout the evening where a kiss could’ve occurred and i always always always stepped back, evading him. on the walk back to his car, so he could drop me off at mine, there was a moment when he opened the car door for me, almost preventing me from getting in the car & looked at me. swear to god, i nearly shit a brick. but like a good guy, he stepped aside and helped me in his SUV. you best believe i sighed in relief. as we were driving out of the parking lot, i happened to look up and there was a tall guy on the sidewalk looking right glaring at me. it was my ex Princess*. eff me sideways, what are the chances of running into my ex in the city in the middle of the week?

i don’t know why but every single time i get a boo-hoo email or text from this dbag, it upsets me, it literally puts a pall over my entire demeanor. so catching a glimpse of Princess* pretty much made me feel like i’d just received a kick in the effing crotch, and Refugee noticed right off the bat. i completely shut down, basically booked it when he dropped me off at my car.

in the light of day, i’m still rattled over the entire fiasco. it skeeves me out anytime Princess* is in the picture, it shouldn’t, but it does.

and frankly, if i’m not inclined to lean in for a simple snog session with Refugee, then i’m just not interested in the guy, despite the fact i suffer from First Kiss Phobia and i can’t seem to articulate why i’m such a crackhead over it.

don’t judge me.

dating gawds: 1
Lan: 0

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3 responses to “kicks

  1. Will there be a 4th date? Maybe you need to kiss him to see how you REALLY feel 😉

    • truth be told, i’m not really pressed. i have not heard from Refugee since wednesday night and i am not interested in reaching out to him. i do have a first this coming wed. that i’m really looking fwd to and a 3rd date with someone else on thursday.

      it is MONDAY and i am BEAT.

  2. Busy woman! (*wink*)

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