i’m constant when it comes to my “type”. it’s been the same type since kindergarten. i blame Egon*. when i first laid eyes on this boy at the sweet tender age of 5 my heart was never the same again. forget the little asian drs i’m sure my grandparents & parents were expecting me to procreate with. no. i wanted a blond haired blue eyed boy, glasses a plus but optional.
let me explain something: i have plain dark brown hair, so dark that it sometimes appears blue black. there is no beautifying it, it’s straight hair, sometimes wavy if air dried, i neither have a lot or a little of it. my eyes? they’re not chocolate or coffee brown, they’re not special, they’re dark brown. they’re not even shit brown. they’re just brown. Egon’s* blond hair? it had streaks of light brown, gold and even the lightest of yellow, almost white strands running thru it. his eyes — they were an 8-colored crayon box blue. and he wore the dorkiest glasses, brown shell tortoise, and good lord if he wasn’t the cutest thing my 5 year old self ever did see. he was the sweetest and smartest boy, fixated with spaceships and robots. there was that one time he played in the kitchen with me but that was probably more because i bullied him into it. he could read at that age, have mercy if i didn’t find incredibly endearing. i chased him mercilessly during recess, he was always GOOSE if i was the DUCK and i let him catch me (eff the strategy of running around that circle fast, i wanted him to get me!) subtle i was not. but you know what? we shared our first kiss one afternoon. i learned very early on that persistence pays.
Egon* moved after 3rd grade and thank gawd for google, i did find him back in 2000, and just now again. he’s still has that slight lazy eye, mop of hair that has turned to a light brown and nerdy smile. and his eyes? they’re still a vibrant BLUE.
so now you know who my childhood crush was, who i compared grade school boys to… who i pined over while listening to Madonna, New Kids on the Block or Warrant.
in between that time and now i dated random guys: guys who made me chase them, guys who i allowed to chase me, guys the parents approved of, guys who they kicked me out of the house over, guys who were so sweet and guys who dumped me for not sleeping with them. i went thru long stretches of time where i was virtually invisible when i went out, guys would bypass me for my other friends, and moments where i didn’t know what the hell do with the influx of male attention. without fail tho, i gravitated towards the blond hair blue eyed boys. yes i’ve held hands with a beautiful half asian man, was wooed by the most gorgeous black swede i’ve ever laid eyes on and there was that one random guy who booked me a weekend trip to boston and i left him high & dry after 24 hours…
i guess bottom line, i needed to take it back to basics, i needed to go back to the things that make my heart go pitter patter. i wanted to swoon over a man who was smart, made me think, made me feel valued and above all, thought i was funny. on the flip side, when i put on my online dating profile that i wanted someone to make me guffaw, i meant the roll on the ground & get dirty, tears down my face kind of laughter. i couldn’t very well put in there that the guy had to be blond, blue eyed and at least 6″ tall (hey, i am 5″5 and i like wearing heels sometimes, this girl likes to feel dainty next to her man. i’m just saying), that’s what the screening process was for. i had guy friends scoff at me, telling me that those kinds of guys were already snatched up, or looked like trolls. that at my age (jesus if that didn’t make me want to kick them in the nuts) i had to either settle for ugly funny guy or the really bland personality but ultra hot dude.
can i be honest? i kinda sorta totally believed them. i really did think i was old, that my time was up. that my off/on decade relationship with Princess* had AGED me and RUINED my chances. shame on me. i am happy to say that despite this gawd awful feeling, i still went about the screening process like a typical head hunter, i over-analyzed and evaluated everything — down to punctuation and capitalization (nevermind that i’m atrocious at the latter). when i met $5wordGuy* i didn’t know we were going to become a Thing, i knew that i wanted it almost immediately, but did i envision that he could be nicest guy ever but then say the most obnoxious inappropriate but hilarious things ever? no. i am constantly amazed by how funny he is, how maddeningly intelligent he is, he still kicks my ass in Scrabble, he wants to learn how to ride a unicycle with me (hardcore swoon. it’s a life list for me). and when he was a child he had corn wheat blond hair, was able to read by the age of 3 (!!) and get this: wore bifocals. in essence, he was adorable. he is adorable. i am so very lucky that he found me on the interwebs.
to come: me as a type. god save us all.