my life in love

i think for a long time i was one of Those Girls who just looked for love in everything i interacted with, even at such a young age.

i am 4 years old and in love with Keith from the cartoon Voltron.

yes, i am aware it’s a cartoon. as in hand-drawn moving pictures. i comfort myself knowing that i aimed high and crushed on the leader of the pack.

i am 5 years old and in love with egon ozer.

the nerd in kindergarten, the one who could read already. the one with an eye patch that made him look, not like a pirate, but like a kid with one bad eye. i harbored this love in my heart until the 5th grade.

i am 13 and in love with keanu reeves, from Bill & Ted’s Excellent adventure.

how could i have known that my infatuation for this man-child would span the passing of time and to this day, i quiver still for him?

i am 19 and in love with Ockey.

it was college. i recall still the first moment i laid eyes on him: crowded basement, sweaty young bodies pressed against each other, gyrating in time with the music. it was at the delta chi house. and he was the One i wanted to lose my v-card to.

fast forward 2 months: mission accomplished.

i am 22 and in love with the idea of living a beach bum turned bohemian lifestyle, by the beach.

i trekked across country, 3000 miles, in my honda civic with a boy who i thought would be my saving grace. for 13 months i worked at a 4-star french restaurant by night, (gaining 10lbs that would stick to my hips & thighs to this day), and by day sat by the water and daydreamed of life back east.

oh california living, you are not for me!

i am 27 and in love with the idea of being on my own.

a job in the city, taking the bus to work everyday, small steps because the high heels are pinching my feet and have mercy on me if i fall on these dirty streets. old fears still lurk but i start the process of buying my own place.

i am 28 and i am in love with rtf.

he is a middle school english teacher living in the basement of his father’s house. i know. for 10 months i swam in his shark infested ocean, barely coming up for air, it never even occurred to me to come up for air. until he tells me he wants to move across the world to teach chinese kids, i sank to the bottom and literally drowned. it took me years to come back to the surface.

i am 34 and in love with my life.

there are no words to adequately describe just how wonderful my life is now. there is always room for improvement… like running again. because egads! the half marathon is next month. my stomach issues are far from over, tho lactaid pills are a godsend.

i am the embodiment of happiness. and i’d take that any day over love.

tho, i sure am lucky to be both happy and in love.


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