i was always an average student. people are surprised when i tell them that i’ve never had straight As, or that it was rare for me to be on the high honor roll. i could say that i was disinterested, not fulfilling my potential, all the things that school counselors are supposed to say to parents when report cards are not what they expect of their eldest child, to soften the blow that their child is not a genius, not even close.

one of the things that i have learned about myself is that i enjoy learning, i just don’t like showing up. my freshman year of college was spent out of the classroom and my grades reflected that. but if you looked closely at my papers and exams, they were not bad. but deductions were made for missing class. it boggled my mind that i would be penalized for attendance when i clearly was doing the work and acing exams. but one professor put it in perspective: you have to show up for work in order to get paid, you need to show for class in order to get graded. (one would think i’d work in a contracting/consulting environment but that is too abstract for me.)

dw says often that i’m an introverted reader. my speech sometimes reflects this. my everyday speaking has no accent, in fact, it’s very much like a journalist’s, no regional accent to give away where i’m from. on the phone you would not be able to tell that i’m asian, that english is my 2nd language. i tend to stick to simple words, rarely branching out to $5words. not because i don’t know any, or what they mean, but because sometimes i’m not sure of their proper pronunciation. it’s a quiet shame quirk, one that i hid but with him, i say them out loud, then i follow up with “did i say that right? how do you pronounce it? you say it.” and he always, patiently, teaches me.

being with dw is like that. he teaches me something new all the time. and he doesn’t make me feel stupid or inadequate or lesser or that i’m not fulfilling my potential. with him, learning is fun, it’s exciting and i show up everyday ready for more. i seriously ace this Life right now.





of late, failings

most of the things that flit around in my head theoretically would make good posts, if i were a better writer, capable of capturing that feeling, that emotion, that moment i want to capture in time. then it passes me by, i attempt at a draft and then i realize that it’s much funnier/wittier/better/relevant in my head and not so much in words. don’t you hate that?

i’m not interested in whining (tho i sure do it often in Real Life) here, nor do i want it to be a love fest about dw (tho i will unabashedly tell you that i am very much in love & dw is the best person i have ever met), and there is only so much i can say about my running (tho i did run a mile yesterday, and my body hates me today).

  • i signed up for another half marathon, in october. seems that i’ve forgotten how painful the run was, how i cried at various miles. instead, all i remembered was the glory of finishing, the cool medal on a cheap piece of ribbon around my neck. maybe it’s like child birth – you don’t recall the pain of pushing, until you’re doing it for the 2nd time, wondering why in the hell you signed up for this shit again, and then you’re done & all that pain is a vague memory that fades everyday until you make the conscious decision to do it once more. i say it often: we’re a foolish species.
  • i don’t follow my own advice – i tell friends to stretch before and after a run, to do cross training, to do intervals on the treadmill. all the while, i’m sitting on my ass playing bejeweled on the ipad.
  • i am still obsessed with young adult fiction and dystopian themed novels. i think i might be preparing for an Apocalypse, zombie or otherwise.
  • i have not paid much mind to my dSLR, or even the one my dear friend loaned to me so i could learn about videoing. when i do snap shots, i am displeased. dissatisfied. to the point of wanting to chuck the camera, as well as the blog aside.
  • i’ve blocked friends on my FB feed, some of them close, because the politics/religion/INANITY is getting to me.

however. breathe. sigh.

  • i attended my very first iftar recently.
  • a dear friend, JM, is on a path of healthy living, and he is doing couch to 5K with the intention of doing a 5k race with me in October. i am so proud of him. one day, after i’ve forgotten about training for this current half, i will run a half with him.
  • i’ve been lotionizing dw’s hands every night before bed. he has dry, chapped hands sometimes, to the point of painful cracked cuticles that bleed at the slightest touch. it’s a chore that he rolls his eyes at but now his hands are soft, still his, but not so much caked with dry blood.
  • i adopted two plants in my office. it’s a wonder to water them everyday and watch them not die.
  • i’ve been braiding my hair and wearing tutus in the house, i feel like an overgrown fairy princess. dw teases me and when he tells me to twirl, i happily oblige.
  • recently we had work done in a number of rooms, so we slept on the air mattress in the loft room. even after the work had been done we continued to sleep in the makeshift bed. it felt like being on a camping trip, i almost rigged a sheet tent for us to crawl into every night. i should’ve.

it’s already midsummer, is it weird that i’m thinking about autumn, wool scarves, elbow patched cardigans that are reminiscent of grandfathers?




toe sucking & qtips

i just read the what sex is like for guys post by a cup of jo. naturally, i sent the link to both the boytoy and best friend.

dw pointed out that i certainly go thru qtips, something i never really noticed but now that i think about it, i do like each ear to have its own clean qtip, and not just one side of one qtip. and i do look fwd to this particular task after every shower, whether i washed my hair or not. huh.

then the bff wrote to say: what? if it were like sucking on a big toe then i don’t think it would be such a huge deal to them. for one, from what i’ve read, is that they have a ton of nerves on the tipster. i’m going to research this. i’ll flick matt’s big toe and if he drops a warm pearl then we’ll know.

i was no more good. this is why i need to keep her around. i am hyena giggling in my office right now.

orphan elephant


this song. on repeat. i need to stop facebook stalking.