Tag Archives: dating


i was always an average student. people are surprised when i tell them that i’ve never had straight As, or that it was rare for me to be on the high honor roll. i could say that i was disinterested, not fulfilling my potential, all the things that school counselors are supposed to say to parents when report cards are not what they expect of their eldest child, to soften the blow that their child is not a genius, not even close.

one of the things that i have learned about myself is that i enjoy learning, i just don’t like showing up. my freshman year of college was spent out of the classroom and my grades reflected that. but if you looked closely at my papers and exams, they were not bad. but deductions were made for missing class. it boggled my mind that i would be penalized for attendance when i clearly was doing the work and acing exams. but one professor put it in perspective: you have to show up for work in order to get paid, you need to show for class in order to get graded. (one would think i’d work in a contracting/consulting environment but that is too abstract for me.)

dw says often that i’m an introverted reader. my speech sometimes reflects this. my everyday speaking has no accent, in fact, it’s very much like a journalist’s, no regional accent to give away where i’m from. on the phone you would not be able to tell that i’m asian, that english is my 2nd language. i tend to stick to simple words, rarely branching out to $5words. not because i don’t know any, or what they mean, but because sometimes i’m not sure of their proper pronunciation. it’s a quiet shame quirk, one that i hid but with him, i say them out loud, then i follow up with “did i say that right? how do you pronounce it? you say it.” and he always, patiently, teaches me.

being with dw is like that. he teaches me something new all the time. and he doesn’t make me feel stupid or inadequate or lesser or that i’m not fulfilling my potential. with him, learning is fun, it’s exciting and i show up everyday ready for more. i seriously ace this Life right now.





toe sucking & qtips

i just read the what sex is like for guys post by a cup of jo. naturally, i sent the link to both the boytoy and best friend.

dw pointed out that i certainly go thru qtips, something i never really noticed but now that i think about it, i do like each ear to have its own clean qtip, and not just one side of one qtip. and i do look fwd to this particular task after every shower, whether i washed my hair or not. huh.

then the bff wrote to say: what? if it were like sucking on a big toe then i don’t think it would be such a huge deal to them. for one, from what i’ve read, is that they have a ton of nerves on the tipster. i’m going to research this. i’ll flick matt’s big toe and if he drops a warm pearl then we’ll know.

i was no more good. this is why i need to keep her around. i am hyena giggling in my office right now.

have courage

in my real life, the one that is slightly more realer than this here space, i’ve been busy. too busy to blog. not training for the half marathon this weekend, but i’ll still show up & walk it if i have to. thinking about a whole new blog design & server for my other space. in talks for a possible new project with friends who seriously believe the shit out of me and i am so scared that i will let them down. all is well in the romance department, so well that there is talk of official co-habitation (!!). mortgage refinance, which is freaking me the hell out. and an invitation to enter a cooking contest. i’m not so much worried about the prizes or the cooking demo thing… i’m thinking about what i will wear.

what is wrong with me?

have courage

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my life in love

i think for a long time i was one of Those Girls who just looked for love in everything i interacted with, even at such a young age.

i am 4 years old and in love with Keith from the cartoon Voltron.

yes, i am aware it’s a cartoon. as in hand-drawn moving pictures. i comfort myself knowing that i aimed high and crushed on the leader of the pack.

i am 5 years old and in love with egon ozer.

the nerd in kindergarten, the one who could read already. the one with an eye patch that made him look, not like a pirate, but like a kid with one bad eye. i harbored this love in my heart until the 5th grade.

i am 13 and in love with keanu reeves, from Bill & Ted’s Excellent adventure.

how could i have known that my infatuation for this man-child would span the passing of time and to this day, i quiver still for him?

i am 19 and in love with Ockey.

it was college. i recall still the first moment i laid eyes on him: crowded basement, sweaty young bodies pressed against each other, gyrating in time with the music. it was at the delta chi house. and he was the One i wanted to lose my v-card to.

fast forward 2 months: mission accomplished.

i am 22 and in love with the idea of living a beach bum turned bohemian lifestyle, by the beach.

i trekked across country, 3000 miles, in my honda civic with a boy who i thought would be my saving grace. for 13 months i worked at a 4-star french restaurant by night, (gaining 10lbs that would stick to my hips & thighs to this day), and by day sat by the water and daydreamed of life back east.

oh california living, you are not for me!

i am 27 and in love with the idea of being on my own.

a job in the city, taking the bus to work everyday, small steps because the high heels are pinching my feet and have mercy on me if i fall on these dirty streets. old fears still lurk but i start the process of buying my own place.

i am 28 and i am in love with rtf.

he is a middle school english teacher living in the basement of his father’s house. i know. for 10 months i swam in his shark infested ocean, barely coming up for air, it never even occurred to me to come up for air. until he tells me he wants to move across the world to teach chinese kids, i sank to the bottom and literally drowned. it took me years to come back to the surface.

i am 34 and in love with my life.

there are no words to adequately describe just how wonderful my life is now. there is always room for improvement… like running again. because egads! the half marathon is next month. my stomach issues are far from over, tho lactaid pills are a godsend.

i am the embodiment of happiness. and i’d take that any day over love.

tho, i sure am lucky to be both happy and in love.